When you’re in a domestic violence relationship, you can’t win until you get out of it. Black people can’t get out of our domestic violence relationship with America. No matter how we try to avoid being abused, nothing we do can stop the violence our abuser insists on serving upon us.
Black people are violently beaten, stomped, strangled, and killed by White men and men who pass as White. We try to tell by saying Black lives matter. White America tell us Blue police lives matter.
Black legislators in Congress asked America to finally make lynching us illegal after 400-years. A White man stood up in protests to protect the rights of White lynchers some 250-years after slavery. An abuser needed to be heard, he knew he had the right to be heard, and so he was — at the expense of Black America. It’s these kinds of microaggressions our abusers inflict upon us that go unchecked. It’s microaggressions like these White America tolerates proving yet again Black lives don’t matter. White America glorifies how they kill us, and will forget how they kill us at the same time.
Black Americans try to kneel in protest to our abuse, bringing awareness to our beatings and deaths. White America tells us we’re being unpatriotic. We’re disrespecting their troops. We’re desecrating their flag. Shut up and play, make me money, work on the new plantation. Our abusers influence how their peers see our abuse.
Black Americans try to make enough money to make it. White America continues to discriminate against those of us seeking to rise above our racialized circumstances, preventing us from making the money to escape our abusers. Our abusers hold the purse strings, ensuring we’re never able to move forward or onward.
Living with your abuser is hell.
Black Americans would love to eat better, but White America, who possesses all the power, won’t plan our communities so that our people won’t have food deserts. We don’t have the strength to fight our abusers because we don’t have the same nutritious food Whites have access to. We’re sicker, weaker, frailer, and still expected to perform at the same level as Whites.
Black Americans would love to save money, but almost everything we need for our survival is over-priced, sub-par, or inadequate to accommodate the life we’re forced to live. How do you save to get away from your abuser when all of your money is spent on basic necessities. Black America’s gas is higher, Black America’s air is dirtier, Black America’s food is higher, Black America’s education is under-funded, and Black America’s properties are undervalued — just like White America undervalues our Black skins. America ensures there is no trap door to escape abuse.
Black America is stuck, locked up, and broken down. Broken to our brittle cores.
Black people are abused over, and over, and over again, and we have suffered in silence for 400-years. They forced black people to work for no pay, wet nursed white women’s babies, White slave masters raped Black women, Black people were prohibited from reading and writing, and after all this, Black people were caught and beaten when we ran away trying to escape to freedom.
America’s love hurts.
White America has long tried our babies for crimes they didn’t commit, taking the law into their own hands, then they let the White killers off with all-White juries. White America even decided when or if Black people can seek and/receive justice for crimes they’ve committed against us. Black America even has to teach our children in a world with domestic violence — a world where the perpetrators of our violence may be in a position of trust. They are always in a position of trust.
Our abusers are always asking us to trust them, just one more time. They tell us they won’t hit us again. They promise to do better, but they never do. Once the honey money period is over like with most abusers, they go right back to beating us upside our heads, strangling us to death, taking our breaths making it impossible to breathe so that we may die and our abusers may yet live.
The psychological trauma of being physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, and sexually abused by White America is unimaginable. Most White people have no clue.
White America makes us to celebrate days they’ve given to themselves to celebrate our former abuses and commemorate times they’ve died fighting over us. President’s Day (racist), the Fourth of July (racist), Thanksgiving (racist), Veterans Day (racist), Thanksgiving (racist, racist, racist), White Christmas (racist), Memorial Day (hijacked, now racist), and Confederate Memorial Day (the most racist day).Our abusers revel in their abuses, training the next generation up in the White ways they should go.
It’s pure evil. It’s madness.
Black America’s primary abuser, White men, wake up every morning with an agenda to ensure he has it all and my people have nothing. These abusers marry White wives who believe in his abuse and believe it’s the Lord’s work for them to carry it out. They believe God intended for White men to rule over all things, including Black lives. White America even raises their children to abuse us too.
From the schoolhouse, to the church house, and eventually a courthouse, our abusers are a part of an abusive family network of White people with same core values from cradle to their graves.
White America abuses and deprives Black America. Everyday White people wake up to go to work to take part in America abusing us. Pretending to not understand. Pretending that they don’t know it’s wrong.
In America, our abusers treat their animals better than they treat Black people.
Their dogs can get parks before Black children can get a park, despite all the evidence they’ve collected showing kids grow and develop better when they can play together. White people care about whether their dogs are socialized more than care about my people socializing with them. Microaggressions.
Our abusers redirect tax monies to their communities so that our kid can’t play but their black and brown dogs can run freely. How does a dog contribute to the growth and development of their future tax base? Tell me because I wanna know.
Our abusers treat their animals better than they treat Black America.
Our legs hurt from the weight of the loads of trauma and burdens Black America has had to carry on its collective backs. We need knee replacements because the weight has been so heavy for so long. We’re worn out. Black America has carried Black people and White people for 400-years and we are tired.
We are tired. When will someone resume me? Rescue us?
Our eyes have permanent bags brown bags underneath them that no skin whitening cream can ever erase. We’re tired and weary. We’re anemic and malnourished. Our abusers work us to death, beat us to death, starve us to death, and deprive us all the things they know we need to be well — then they tell us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
Our Black minds are ready to explode from the centuries of trauma inflicted upon it. We cannot think. We cannot sleep. We cannot rest with all the burdens we must physically carry just to live. Just to breathe. Just to survive.
Can you imagine what it’s like waking up every day Black, moving about every single day having millions of your abusers walking around pretending they didn’t do anything to you, pretending they don’t remember; acting like everything between you is okay; and then asking you to get over “it,” as if “it” is just one specific thing?
Imagine asking your abuser kindly to follow rules they made so that you could enjoy the country you helped build only to be told by your abuser they will call the police on you because you’re Black. White America knows the violence and financial injury that comes with that lie, but they don’t care, they do it anyway. Imagine freeing yourself after 400-years of abuse and your abuser owns everything and there is no way for you to own anything.
Black America can’t take their abuser to court to get a settlement, because our abuser has kinfolks in the courts. You can’t go to our social systems for support because they apply many strings and barbs that make it impossible to qualify. We can’t start over because you received what’s perceived to be an inferior education, because they redlined you in a Black district, to ensure Black resources didn’t prepare you properly. Our abusers own all the property, the possess all the money, they own all the land; they possess all the food; they control every avenue a Black man or woman would need to take to secure his or her family’s freedom. There is no such thing as a fresh start in America.
There is no safety here in America for Black people. Only bondage, shackles, despair, grief, Black pain, White apathy, White indifference, and suffering. The long-suffering.
Domestic violence is this nation’s love language. It’s the only language it speaks well.
Even now as Black America is trying to escape decades and centuries of abuse, all White America can seem to do is to think about itself. Our abusers are guilting us into helping them.
They ask us to tell them how to stop abusing us? The audacity. The nerve. The sheer disrespect and disregard for our well-being that they’d ask.
How hard is it to trace how far back America has been hurting Black people and the many ways they’ve done it, then stop? How hard is it to be quiet when you have nothing of value to add? How hard is it not to be defensive or combative when engaging with people that you know that you’ve harmed, intentionally?
How hard is it?
Suddenly, the moment has shifted from Black lives mattering to our habitual abusers not knowing what to do. We can never have a moment to be centered. We cannot have a moment to rebel. There is no rest for America’s Black and weary. The cycle of abuse goes round and round.
God forbid the ugly Black, unwanted stepchildren have a moment in the spotlight. When we finally expose their dirty and being forced to provide an inordinate amount of evidence (including a trillion videos), now White America believes us. Now they’ll take to the streets. Now they’ll say Black lives matter. Now they suddenly see and understand our pain.
But we don’t trust White America because we’ve seen and heard it all before. Just like abusers when you you’re threatening to leave the abusive relationship and they offer marriage counseling or some other treatment so the victim won’t go, White America is doing the same thing right now.
They are afraid of the sham relationship they’ve called a marriage will be come tumbling down. They will say, do, or promise anything to make this all end. It’s never ending, and things will never be the same, because they have abused us for far too long. Justice has been fleeting for far too long. White America has hit us one too many times.
We even have you on camera killing us. We know abusers often stick together, and there ain’t much you can do to deny the truth in this hour.
America is the domestic violence abuser Black America can’t seem to get away from. We’ve tried to work things out, but every time we take a crack at it, White America violates the contract.
We’ve had a lot of honeymoon phases with our abuser before they return to their evil old ways. They do whatever it takes to stay in power and incomplete control. White America loves power. They stay in power. They ain’t never letting go. Our abusers never learned how to play in the sandbox with others. They are the bullies who never move out of the neighborhood.
If abusive White America had changed by now, they’d be following Black men and women, instead of luring us to their movements that center White people, White issues, White pain, White needs, and White trauma that really isn’t trauma — it’s often performative victimhood to immobilize us. Our abusers have perfected their victimhood. Antagonize, provoke, distract, abuse/kill, involve the law, shed tears, believe all [fill in the blank], success — Black people are decentered.
Some of our abusers join our movements to get us in trouble, to collect intel for Uncle Sam, to be a distraction to Black people, to influence the weak minds of White people, and to stop all Black forward progress. Every. Single. Time.
When Black America is fortunate enough to find a person willing to become the leader and figurehead of a movement, White America has him killed/her.
There is no freedom from this bondage for us in this place called America.
When Black America screams, White America tells us to shut up. It won’t listen. It insists on deflecting. Our abusers are gaslighters extraordinaire.
When we finally escape our abusers, White America recaptures us. They use psychological warfare to make us believe we’re wrong for wanting better. They fool us into believing they aren’t as bad as we know they are. They give some of us positions as gatekeepers to help keep the rest of in line. They trick us into believing they are making new deals to help us.
Our abusers have damaged our minds so that we are incapable of seeing things through logically. Our minds are as warped and colonized as abuser’s minds.
We ask for fairness and our abusers dole out injustice. We ask for help, White America ensures we have racist cops, doctors, medicine men and women, fire fighters, legislators, policymakers, and EMS to come save us. We know how that help works out for Black America.
Our. Abusers. Are. Everywhere. The architects of White violence are everywhere. There is no help to come. Abusers force others to join in on the abuse. No one ever learns. No one ever listens.
Black America fights for the right to vote, and White America takes it back by hook or by crook. Black America fights for the right to be free, and White America just find alternative ways to keep us in bondage.
Whether it’s physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially, White America insists on abusing Black Americans.
No matter how much we try to get free, White people insist we stay in our places, be silent, and continue being abused. In normal relationships, in any other relationship, this relationship would be damaged beyond repair.
There is nothing we can do to escape our abusers because there is more than one abuser. There are millions of them. They are men, women and even children. They are in every area of American life. How do we escape our abusers? How do we get our abusers to understand our abuses won’t end until one of us breaks the cycle? How can we heal? How can we be made whole? How can we have a relationship without trust and real change?
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
These are just some words on a plaque on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty. Apparently these words are meant only to welcome America’s fair-skinned immigrant brethren.
America turned the lamp off on us Black folks while we were still awake, and they slammed that golden door in our Black faces. We turn around, walking away, trying to figure out this domestic violence situation, alone. Again.
We Black people are tired. I know I am. We’ve been huddled in masses in our own communities where White people have had us locked for centuries. We are waiting on White America to light her lamp just for us, open that golden door just for Black faces, and receive their Black children properly. We are awaiting the proper homecoming.
Will the violence end? Will our abusers for once and for all grapple with their evil ways? Will our abusers end this 400-year domestic violence relationship between Black people and White America, systems and all? It’s all up to you, White America.
Only time will tell, and let me tell you baby, time is running out.
White people can free us from our domestic violence relationship. Read Black voices. Amplify Black voices. Listen to Black people. Understand Black trauma. Learn about domestic violence and White terrorism.
Then use your White voices, White hands, and White minds to fix it. All of it.
Marley K. in Quarantine