Anyone in a relationship should not compromise their values, married or not. We all tend to do it at one point, and we pay for it eventually. I’ll take it a step further and say that many people shouldn’t get married or have children. They should be serial daters. People compromise for a variety of reasons to settle down (codependency, attempting to leave their parents’ homes, religious beliefs, fool’s gold, etc), before they know what they want in a partner and in life. Then they have kids, people change, and then get bent all out of shape because they chose the wrong mate, and made other bad choices that has made their lives uncomfortable. I’m sure had you known your wife had a gene that predisposed her to alcoholism and other mental health disorders, would you have married her? Maybe. Would you have chosen to have children with her knowing that your children could be impacted by your wife’s genetics (or your own for that matter if depression or mental illness runs in your family)? I think you probably would have skipped that party.

Life is a bag of surprises. You don’t know people. You’ll never know all of a person. Being alone is the only way to ensure you’re not attached to someone that doesn’t fall within in your criteria. Loneliness is an easy solution. Understanding people are complex and choosing to move your boundaries to accept flaws is not.

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