At the end of the day, we’re still discussing identities and labels. I think we can’t get anyplace without having honest discussions, understanding and patience. Hurt feelings come with all of that, and so does disappointment. That’s real life. People are not going to like us for a variety of reasons. I’ve tried to date men and women who didn’t like Black women (White men and Black men). I think I’m hot shit (lol). It may have been prejudice, or it could have been a personal preference.

I didn’t take it personal. I took it as the person I had the interaction with has a personal preference that I was not privy to in the same manner people have preferences for shoes, clothes, foods, brands, hair products, deodorant, sex partners, etc.

In Zayn’s situation it could be called transphobia, or it can be called a personal preference, or it can simply be called confusion. I don’t know the person’s heart, but I have heard the same argument from other women in dealing with trans women, bisexual women, etc. There is nothing simply about this situation for either party. If they like each other, it’s up to them to work it out. The chick says she was really feeling Zayn. Zayn could have decided to move on feeling jilted, or put in the work like any other guy rejected who really likes a chick until he wins her over. It’s mind of matter! It works.

Rejection never feels good (been there), but you can’t waste time worrying about who doesn’t like you. We can choose to spend our time and energy being in the right position, in the right state of mind for the right someone to find you, or you can waste time on rationalizing why someone (the wrong one) doesn’t like you .

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