Dear White Supremacy,
I, Black female American and a descendant of enslaved people, would like to formally file for a divorce from you. It’s you, not me. Yeah, I said it. It is you, not me.
See, this here is an arranged marriage and I never consented to it. You weren’t my first choice. Who willingly chooses to marry their abuser, to be left unprotected, and neglected? No one, that’s who. As I am a descendant of your mail order bride delivered by the Transatlantic Slave Trade, our marriage is at least 400-years old with some evidence that we’ve been married a lot longer than that. I don’t know for sure because you’ve never kept good records of our time together. But what I do know is that I’m sick of your ass.
I. Am. Sick. Of. You!
When you bartered for me from my family, you made sure you erased my culture, my name, and my lineage, transforming me into something I am unfamiliar with. All the photos in our home we share together are of you. Very few of me. You’ve acted as if I’ve never contributed anything to the marriage. Everything I’ve worked hard for you’ve taken away from and taken the credit. You’re a hog, sucking up everything in your path. Attention, air, money, land, opportunities, freedom, justice — it’s been only for you White Supremacy. I’m can’t do this anymore.
You’re a narcissist, a psychopath, a sociopath, and a terrorist. It’s hard to love someone who is obsessed with hurting you. I hate the way you pretend you don’t know what’s going on. I’m tired of your gaslighting and making me out to be the villain too. You don’t deserve me and I never deserved this… all this mess you brought me into. This marriage is so done. We ain’t never gonna be the same. It’s hard to see how we could even be friends. You lie so much, you move so differently, you’re too much of a burden to my soul and mind to sustain myself. You’re literally and figuratively killing me.
I wish I could say our marriage has been a good one, but it hasn’t been. It’s been hell — a living fucking hell. But let you tell it, you’re the best thing since sliced White bread. You’re such a liar. Folks are finally finding out you’re full of shit. Those videos don’t lie. Thank God for those videos. They’ve finally vindicated me. I can leave with my head held high. The energy I’ve spent trying to survive you I can now use to start my new life away from you so that I can save me.
I want a divorce because, for the duration of our marriage, I’ve experienced domestic violence. I have never had a day free from your violence. You’ve done everything you could to try and kill and destroy me and our offspring, but it hasn’t worked. The longer I live with you, the more resentful you become of me. But the one thing you seem to keep forgetting is that you picked me, I didn’t pick you. You were supposed to take care of me for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness, and in health, but you didn’t. All you cared about was yourself and the White children who looked just like you.
What you’ve failed to realize after all these years of marriage is that you need me, I don’t need you. I can survive without you and you know it, that’s why you won’t set me free. You can’t survive without me, and you know this too, which is why you will do anything to keep me in this unhappy marriage. Your whole entire life exists because you exploit and undermine me. Well-played boo, well played. Just know, you reap what ya sow, and your harvest awaits. You don’t have to worry about me harming you because that’s not my steelo. Everything that’s coming to you you’re going to do to yourself.
I have physically, mentally, and emotionally checked out of this thing. The marriage is a sham and finally the world is starting to see it. My physical and emotional well-being is at stake the longer I remain in a relationship with you.
By the way, I met someone else and I’m leaving you. His name is Black liberation. He found me broken and helped me work through my shit so that I could put myself together. He protects me and he’s responsible for my ongoing healing.
He taught me how to love myself, how to be happy with myself, and how to decouple myself from the years of abuse I’ve experienced in this marriage. Black liberation has made my life so much better. I’m eternally grateful for him being in my life and helping me through such a long, dark chapter in my life. My journey began with the reshaping of my mind. I’m decolonizing. It’s going to take me the rest of my life to do this work, but I’m committed to it. My journey ends with me being free enough from White Supremacy to exist outside of it, because it’s never ending. White Supremacy doesn’t die, it just evolves. You’ll find another victim, couple, child, or an entire Black family to steal, enslave, and pillage though. You always do.
There are a lot of people fine with being kept and abused. I’m not. It’s inhumane. It’s degrading. I know my Black life matters more.
You had it easy buddy, but you couldn’t play your part. You don’t keep your promises. You didn’t uphold any bargains you made to me or my people collectively. I didn’t want it all, I just wanted my fair share. Fair apparently isn’t in your vocabulary. I’ve asked too many times, and I’ve been waiting too long for you to get your shit together. I just want my divorce.
I did all I could to make you happy. I gave you my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. I’ve given you my children, and you’ve treated them like shit. I’ve given you my best years, and you’ve given me your ass to kiss. I have tried to escape you, and you have beaten me. You’ve sent goons and spies to intimidate and kill those trying to rescue me. You don’t want me, and you don’t want anyone else to have me either. You’ve made it nearly impossible for me to go live anywhere in the world in peace because you’ve turned the world against me. My Black skin makes it nearly impossible for us to live anywhere in peace. You’ve planted seeds of hate and created rivers of division to keep me here with you.
It ain’t gonna work anymore. I’ve teeter-tottered for decades on the fence with leaving or staying with you. Staying is so comfortable. Yeah, you provide some nice things, but your nice stuff comes with a cost. That cost is selling my soul and giving you control of my mind. I don’t want that for my life anymore. I’m tapping out. I’d rather start anew.
I’m tired. You’re never satisfied. I tried to be the person you wanted me to be, and I wasn’t good enough. I changed my physical appearance. I’ve bleached my skin. I have code-switched, attained higher education, and I’ve done everything you told me to do to make me more likable to you and your family members. It didn’t work. I have spent my entire life trying to please you. I’m tired of this marriage. I know you don’t want me and I don’t want you either White supremacy. Would it be too much to ask that we part ways amicably? Why is it so hard for you to let me go?
I hate it here.
This violent relationship we’re in isn’t healthy for either of us. I realize you don’t care, but I do. I have more good days behind me than I have ahead of me and I don’t want to continue living like this. You’re evil, insatiable, unfair, unjust, uncaring, toxic, and bad for my health. In fact, you’re deadly. You’re never changing, not in time anyway. It will take generations for you to change. I’ll be dead by then and so will our children. I need to go to save myself. This type of living isn’t sustainable and I can’t understand for the life of me why you insist on trying to sustain it.
White Supremacy, I want a divorce on the grounds of physical, emotional, verbal, abuse and neglect, financial abuse, withholding of affection, AND irreconcilable differences. Maybe, just maybe, this will be the year you’ll set me free and grant me my divorce.
Marley K in Quarantine 2020…still
If you enjoyed this divorce letter, you might enjoy some of my other unpopular yet honest thoughts and experiences with White Supremacy below: