First, happy new year and welcome back. Secondly, great job on calling out Love’s foolishness. I’m a woman and I have my issues with men in general, but some stuff women say about men because of their emotions is absolutely fascinating.
Love’s statement is so ridiculous. I understand what she’s “trying” to say, but it’s so wrong and so complex. She attempted to oversimplify an issue with the faithfulness and behavior of Black men, as if men in other racial groups don’t cheat as much if not more so than Black men. How can we cheat more than White men or Hispanic men when there are more of them than there are Black men?
Make it make sense why don’t ya!!!!
(My Disclosure: (I’ve been unfaithful in and been cheated on) so I’m speaking from personal experiences and other collective experiences I’ve had in sexual assault, the HIV/AIDS and LGBTQ communities, having raised sons, having been a wife of a spouse that cheated on her, and the friend of many men who have cheated on their wives or left them for other women.)
I was separated from my ex-husband for nearly a year after living a year previously in a sexless marriage. I entered into a relationship before my marriage ended. I lived three states away and I had no idea what my ex did in our home while we were separated. We had a policy of DADT and that’s how we survived before ending our marriage for good after 13 years. There were other issues that lead to us stepping out of our relationship. There is ALWAYS something else.
The something else is what we never talk about!
Many people cheat because there is lack in their relationship. Some cheat because they are undiagnosed sex addicts. Other cheat because its’s a crime of passion (easy to get away with-opportunistic). Then there are those who don’t know why they cheat, which is often rooted in sexual abuse at an early age and an awakening of sexuality before they able to process sex, love, and relationships.
Men and women see relationships differently, we see sex differently, and truth be told, we don’t really know how to care for another person. Most of us don’t know how to care for ourselves, which is why we are looking for the perfect person to “complete” us and make us happy. We don’t talk about sexual needs and sexual compatibility. We women often force men into relationships before we will have sex when the men don’t want to be in one with us. Sometimes men find out we ain’t what we said we were and they want to move onto someone new. The only bad thing about the last scenario is most men do that without breaking up with the women their not content with. They use the woman as a security blanket to avoid being single without a vagina/arm candy.
If people are dissatisfied with their partner, why not just break up and move on? They don’t because life doesn’t work like that and women and emotional and complicated.
The one thing I will say about men who cheat that differs from women is that we (women) will break up with a man and have no problem being single or sexless. The men I know who have cheated on me and my friends who have cheated on their female partners usually never physically leave the woman they are dissatisfied without having another one in hand and already in some sort of relationship (physical, emotional). They check out emotionally and sexually while physically present.
Cheating is complicated as I’ve said. Men and women are different. We should refrain from public blanket statements bashing men about cheating because it causes men to get silent about the root causes of it. They are defending their gender instead of diving into the issue. Good stuff, I hope the dialog increases on the subject.