God bless you. My dad was diagnosed in his mid 60’s after a life of this type of behavior. As a child of a bipolar, manic depressive, and narcissistic parent who also suffers from alcohol addiction, I couldn’t take my dad. I love from a distance. My stepmom sounds just like you. I have watched her be humiliated, disrespected, and physically abused for over 30 years. I don’t understand why she stayed. I don’t understand why she is still there. Her life has been spent cleaning up for him. Covering for him. And most importantly dying to herself for him. She has spent her whole life like this to only now discover (after bouts of rehab) he is bipolar. Her life could have been so different had she known.
His mom knew. His family knew. Yet the pushed him out of their nest in an effort to make him “normal” when in reality all they did was help him ruin 5 lives (his 2 wives and his 3 kids). I respect your dedication to your husband, just as I respect my stepmom’s. I would never advise anyone to stay with my dad. I wished I had different parents. The older he is the meaner he is. The mental health disorder he has impacts us negatively. That’s one of the things the advocates never seem to address. The patient’s mental health is important indeed, but what about his family?