Have mercy!! This thought was awesome. I often thought “making it” would feel like this, but to read someone else saying it so comforting and reaffirming. I hope you understand we all at some point must do a jig to appease Whiteness. They possess wealth and comfort and we all are seeking to attain some of it. The white gaze should be considered the 8th deadly sin of the world as it kills everything it touches.
I appreciate your honesty and I hope one day you feel comfortable enough to enjoy your Blackness. It’s a beautiful experience. Give Whiteness back its culture, because in all actuality Whiteness has no culture. Everything you enjoy has been stolen from another culture.
Embrace your Black. Embrace your own culture. Love yourself. Thank you for sharing your life. It was revealing. I have always said in order to attain what you have achieved, you must forsake Blackness. Your story validates my suspicions.