If you have ever been in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist (narcs) and made it out, you are mentally and physically exhausted when they are done with you. You leave with your dignity shattered and your self-esteem in shreds, trying to figure out what in the hell it was you’ve just been through. You were likely unsure about the things you saw and experienced for a long time before you figured out there was truly something wrong, and diabolical, about the person you once loved dearly standing before you.
In the beginning, we’re attracted to narcs because they make so many wonderful promises to us. They can be everything and anything we need them to be. They are astute listeners, and they know how to change like chameleons to become what we need at any given time. That’s why it’s so easy for them to suck us into their webs of confusion.
Narcs can masterfully locate our deficiencies and weaknesses like some surgeon hunting tumors.
They also thrive on saving the naive, the broken, the lost and the defeated, they are going to be your hero. Narcs have all the answers. They are smart, cunning, and extremely manipulative. Most of us don’t believe we’re being bamboozled, because normal people with empathy couldn’t possibly be so evil. We all like to think and see the best in people, even when we can clearly see a best doesn’t exist. Wishful thinking is what I call it.
People love and respect narcs because they do such a good job of hiding their true selves. (most people don’t spend enough intimate time with narcs to really know them). When people initially start seeing the narc manifest him or herself and they try to tell others about it, usually no one believes them. People simply are unable to grasp the abuse and gaslighting endured because it is unbelievable. They don’t believe it because it’s the type of abuse people can’t see. Except people really do see it with their own eyes, they simply refuse to believe it.
Society has conditioned us to think emotional abuse inflicted upon us by narcs is not only normal, but it’s accepted. It’s been mistakenly linked to a characteristic of being a “good” leader. It’s one reason narcs continue to get away with such terrible behavior.
Victims of abuse, especially emotional abuse are usually defeated when they leave relationships with narcs because they’ve been torn to shreds by all of the deflection, emotional abuse, gas lighting, withholding of affection, financial strangleholds and constraints, lies, character assassination, physical or sexual abuse, or a combo of all the above. Staying with narcs only makes life worse, just ask any victim. Only leaving them will save you.
I know. I married and divorced one.
He was a different kind of narc. He wasn’t loud. He wasn’t boisterous. He wasn’t sexually promiscuous that I know of, and he wasn’t violent like some of the narcs I had known before him. He was an educated, well-groomed, restrained, conservative narc. His narcissism was exhibited in waves and quick flashes in the beginning. I was accustomed to the loud, raging, promiscuous obvious narcs, so I thought I was safe. I thought I knew all the characteristics and stages of narcs. Turns out, I didn’t know anything. My ignorance came with a price tag.
I had my ass handed to me, and it has changed me forever. After 13 years together, I’m now free of my narc, but the damage has been done. Now, I spend my time trying to prevent others from making the same mistakes.
In the meantime, I’m trying to heal myself two years later to move on with my life, but the media is addicted to showing me an old, classic yet obvious narcissist every single damn day. Daily, the media exposes me to Trump’s toxic emotional abuse. All it does is open old wounds, creating an unexpected anxiety for me. But it’s very hard to look away. I feel like I need to watch out for my own safety. With narcs, you must always be on defense as a measure to protect yourself.
It’s hard for me to believe people really voted for Trump to lead an entire country.
But then again, it’s not that hard to believe. The American people are hurting, and everyone is looking for a savior. We have fewer jobs today because politicians decided to act in their best interests, not ours. Poor and middle-class families can’t afford to pay for their children’s college education, but the government said you need one to make a decent living. Since the signing and implementation of NAFTA, communities have literally dried up and gone away, leaving uncertainty and loads of destitute people behind. People are drowning in all types of debt trying to attain what’s supposed to be the American dream. Instead, they are living a nightmare.
Our middle-class has drastically decreased over the past 30 years, people can’t afford to buy a home, and many can’t afford to pay rent either. Multiple generations of families are living in one household. People who worked hard to buy homes have been made homeless by natural disasters, they are suddenly finding themselves living in cars, tents, campers and shelters. What kind of America is this?
Jobs no longer come with great fringe benefits that allow us to care for our families, nor do jobs today come with security or loyalty. Politicians and corporations are taking away our ability to sustain ourselves, leaving the nation’s workforce with bad credit which in turn leads to poor/no job prospects. People can’t even open bank accounts anymore because of poor credit. Many able-bodied Americans can’t participate in the nation’s economy. They’ve been shut out by institutional corruption.
America’s once thriving middle-class households have been punished with the rest of the underclasses this nation made, and suddenly these once privileged Americans are feeling what the rest of America always felt. Left behind.
America has police brutality problems, poverty problems, racial discrimination problems, gun control problems, drug problems, clean water problems, environmental problems, workforce development issues, child development problems, living wage problems. America has lots of problems.
Devastating natural disasters are happening more frequently because of global-warming, and our savior government leaves people stranded like a pimp leaves a hooker who is no longer of value to him. Schools in poor communities are being defunded each year, and entire school districts have been closed. Teachers, one of this nation’s most valuable resources are over worked and underpaid.
Mental health and family healthcare services are only for the rich and privileged, while the privileged mentally-ill get to buy guns to terrorize and kill people. Let’s not even talk about the partisan politics orchestrated to divide us, instill fear in us, enslave us and steal our wealth from us. The people of America are broken, lost and defeated. People were looking for a savior.
So, that’s how and why we ended up with a narcissist for President.
The narc-in-chief, and his allies, saw this nation’s weaknesses, and swooped in like Superman to make us believe they would save us. Except we’ll never be saved by Trump. He doesn’t know how to build up anyone but himself. Everything a narcissist touches, he destroys. The only life respected by the narc, is the narc’s.
(1.) Exaggerates own importance, (2.) Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance; (3.) Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions; (4.) Requires constant attention and admiration from others; (5.) Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment; (6.) Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals; (7.) Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy; (8.) Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her; (9.) Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes; (10.) Believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way; (11.) Have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat; (12.) Self-Centered; and (13.) Demanding.
I’m not sure why people have such a difficult time seeing our arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding narcissistic Mini Mussolini for what he truly is.
Why can’t people see and hear how our narc President concentrates on grandiose fantasies like his own success as a businessman and deal maker, or how good looking he and his children are (especially his unsettling fetish with his daughter) or his brilliance? This narc knows lots of words, like bigly, very, and tremendously. Our vain, sexually exploitative pussy grabber-in-chief has displayed his grandiose characteristics since his early adulthood, which has been well-documented and chronicled by the media. The signs have always been there, the media simply validated them, giving a green-light to his sick behavior.
Red flags and warning flares are going off everywhere folks, but it’s difficult to see clearly now because the media has normalized the abnormal. The media is solely complicit for making emotional abuse glamorous for most of Trump’s audiences. If they hadn’t given credence to his bullshit by giving him free media time to promote his paranoia, we wouldn’t be here right now. The media encouraged Trump voters to go from dating the sociopath to marrying him. We don’t realize it yet, but our minds will never be the same once this relationship is over. We all will have some PTSD we’ll need to deal with.
Do you recognize any of these symptoms of being emotionally abused?
(1.) Constant criticism or attempts to manipulate and control; (2). Shaming and blaming with hostile sarcasm or outright verbal assault; (3.) The use of shaming and belittling language; (4.) Verbal abuse — name-calling; (5.) Withholding affection as punishment; (6.) Punishment and threats of punishment; (7.) Refusal to accept his/her part in the dynamic; (8.) Mind games, such as gaslighting, when it comes to accepting personal responsibility for her own happiness; (9.) Refusing to communicate at all, and; (10.) Isolation from supportive friends and family.
Does any of this sound or look familiar?
For those of us trying to heal and repair our lives after encountering narcs, watching one on television day in and day out only inflicts more trauma. It opens old wounds. It reminds us of our journeys. The media is doing us a disservice everyday by not only showing this narc live, up-close and personal, but they also do us all a disservice by not accurately describing to the American people and to the world what’s really going on.
We all are being emotionally abused by our President the narcissist, and the media just rolls with it for the sake of getting high ratings.
When this roller coaster ride is over for the American people, who is going to pay for the therapy we all need to recover from the trauma of the derailed Trump Train? I’m sure the media won’t. The Supreme Court ruled against funding essential components Affordable Care Act thanks to Trump and the conservative justices. No Trumpcare for us. We are on our own here.
Victims of emotional abuse experience diminished self-worth, anxiety, depression, and a general sense of helplessness that can take time and often professional help to overcome. Who will help the American people overcome our victimization after 45 finishes molly-whoppin our asses? No one that’s who.
Americans will be left uncovered without proper mental health care just like the millions of people unable to afford healthcare currently in America.
The media should be required to pick up America’s therapy tabs since they are aiding and abetting 45 in emotionally abusing us. This type of abuse falls under the auspices of domestic violence, and would be a misdemeanor or felony for any old regular Joe. But when you collars are white, I guess everything you do is right.
Trump’s toxic emotional abuse is making us all sick. Thank your favorite media outlet for decreasing the quality of your life.
Marley K., 2018