I can remember I went to a bike week celebration at the beach with friends and the guys were gaggling all over the women who walked by. Well one of the girls in our group decided she wasn’t going to put up with it…and she went off on a guy who said something in appropriate to her as she walked passed.

OMG!!!!!!!!! This guy walked down the side walk behind her and berated her for about 5 minutes, talked about all of her facial features and made a huge scene in front of hundreds of people. The lady was humiliated and the event ruined the rest of our trips. I was in my early 20’s back then, but I remember none of us wanting that shit to happen to us. We kept our mouths shut!

I never forgot that experience, and it taught me three things. One was that there are large number of mentally unstable men with mental health issues pushed out of their parents homes and into society, passed off as normal. They hurt people…badly. Two, there are lots of men super sensitive and really don’t like no. Their first response is a petty pay back, and because it’s also about power, they need to show us women they are in control. They want us to know they have the most power. They do this with violence and verbal assaults. It’s volatile, ugly, and unexpected. Lastly, the wrong kind of no will get you hurt or even killed.

I learned how to say no respectfully, tactfully, and to not do it in a way that will get me killed. I love me, and proving a point isn’t worth it. Yes, I modified my responses to save my butt. I’m still here at 46 thankfully. I’ve had my share of stalkers and guys who won’t take no for an answer, but I learned there is an art to no with men. Their egos are fragile like an egg shell.

This is a very important topic. Usually lumped in with DV, but should be separated out to better determine how many women were fleeing for their lives.

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