I love how you question your beliefs, and as a Black woman I have to do the same when it comes to Christianity or any faith for that matter. Growing up in the South, and learning how Africans were originally educated in the America (with the Bible), it caused me to question everything I’ve ever known. My education, systems, religions, etc. I tried to reconcile the evidence, my past and religion, and it made me angry. I too have become guarded and I question everything. I trust myself more now, and I filter everything. Becoming conscious was the best and worst thing for me. With my awakening, I lost a lot of faith, in humanity. I loved your essay. Thank you for sharing it.