I love to tell single and childless people…

It’s easy to get into, hard as hell to get out of. I have been married and had children and while I love my children, I can tell you it’s a life long event. Your children always need something from you mom, and it’s taxing. Being a parent costs women in so many ways…but no one ever tell us the truth. They make it seem like its all joy and no trouble. The shit is a lie, especially if you child is get the addiction gene that skipped your husbands generation, or has that “bad spirit” closely tied to your uncle Jake.

As for marriage, it is not for everyone. People change. You the bride will change, especially when you have kids. As soon as you can’t fuck your husband, raise the kids, go to work, care for the house, and pay the bills at the same damned time, it’s a problem. You mentioned doing the in-law dance which is hit or miss. But life happens. Spouses lose jobs, get pay cuts, etc., do you stay or go? What are you in the marriage for? What happens when you spouse’s penis doesn’t work anymore and he’s just 40 when you’re in your prime? What about when you don’t feel like being bothered? Are you in a marriage or a mirage? If spouses have mental illness, that’s a huge issue that is hard to sustain adequately. There are so many things that get in the way of marriages that most people aren’t properly equipped to deal with. People never talk about them either.

The shit is overrated. Have a companion is much better than having a marriage in my opinion. Marriage is stressful and comes with huge expectations. We spend more time planning a wedding than discussing what will happen during the duration of the marriage. Even after marriage counseling, commitments before God and study guides to refer back to during rough times, my husband still was not complying. What do you do? Stay, cry to your girlfriends (who also have shitty marriages, but love the status over being single) and nash your teeth lol.

I prefer companionship because it is more like a friendship. Most men our age have already been married, have children, got the T-Shirt and are not looking to do that dance again. Those who haven’t, have their reasons, but it’s by choice. For us women, we are at the hands of luck. Marriage isn’t as important as finding the right person for you. Too many women have watched too many Lifetime movies about what marriage is and what it looks like.

It. Is. A. Lie.

Reprogramming our mind helps. Our expectations are all wrong.

Buy Our Human Family’s “Field Notes For Allyship, Achieving Equality Together,” the new tool for allies available at Amazon.com| I 🖤 www.ko-fi.com/marleyk

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