I really appreciated this essay. I can say I have experienced the same thing since preschool. There was a constant theme of inappropriateness surrounding my body for as long as I can remember. Like your mom, I came to the conclusion that this is the way the world works, so I need to learn how to navigate predators and be comfortable in it. I did. I stopped caring too. I would say all those incidents combined altered my life drastically. I had no refuge or safety.
It’s difficult to tell your sons about these things I have three and I never talked to them about my past with sexual predators, rape, and child sexual abuse. I did teach them about boundaries and personal space, inappropriate touching, and what the legal definition of sexual assault and rape was for their own good and the good of the women they’d be coming in contact with.
I used to to child sexual abuse classes so churches could be insured to work with children. I can’t tell you hown many older women and men disclosed for the first time in those classes. I always felt it was a privilege that a stranger felt so comfortable in my presence they’d open up and share thst pain with me and other strangers. Disclosure is freedom. No longer does your mom have to carry her secrets alone.