I’m glad you bring up Bill Cosby in the conversation about victimization Interculturalisticman. It’s so complex.

My situation is vexing, but I found ways to cope, like most victims. I can’t tell you how many stories I have about victims, their resiliency, and their downfalls. We all cope differently, and our coping impacts everyone around us.

Some people don’t do well. I have lots of those stories too.

I’m happy you are willing to engage as the bold male reader, and I encourage others to participate in the discussion. I’m not about chewing people up and swallowing them, I just want to share experiences, gain knowledge, and share a bit hoping to broaden someone’s horizon. Men don’t engage enough on sexual assault, rape, consent, and how the impact of their actions (bad behavior) can cause trauma. Parents don’t even teach their kids about it. I taught my kids because I knew how the system works.

Men have an obligation to be engaged when it comes to this topic in order to teach their sons and daughters about healthy relationships. Relationships that could lead to sex or touching. Sex that could be viewed differently depending on the individual.

Failing to be conscientious about gender and sex issues is consenting to being a terribly flawed and uninformed individual (and possibly incarcerated)

I watched Bill Cosby be sentenced and the press conferences afterwards, and I could identify with each and every party of the event. I felt emotional about the day.

Andrea Constand was a powerful, strong woman. She was quiet spirit and a beautiful soul who had her life trajectory disrupted by a predator. She has had to live with the trauma of her rape because all of our justice systems essentially failed her. The prosecutor in office from the time she attempted to report her assault failed her because “there wasn’t enough evidence.” It’s a lame, lazy ass excuse. Most people have no clue what this means.

This happens so often it’s not funny. Prosecutors need blood, gore, cut glass, SANE exams (sexual assault nurse examiner), finger prints, sheets, video cameras, a chicken foot…etc., basically easy evidence collected from the assault to corroborate rape. Sometimes assaults are he say/she say with no physical evidence (like if a victim was drugged, but can’t quite recall…but their bottom feels funny). Lazy prosecutors don’t see these cases as slam dunks, so they refuse to prosecute. It’s politics for them.

If a prosecutor can’t get a conviction or a plea on sexual assaults or child sex abuse cases, they don’t want to try them. Victims don’t get justice because their cases are political. Wins and losses. People vote for prosecutors to get/keep their jobs, and they have political platforms just like your congressional representatives(i.e. hard on drug cases, murders, child abusers, white collar crimes, etc.)

People tend to not give these jobs a second thought when voting, but justice sometimes is fleeting because we choose polished liars instead of justice/truth seekers. Victims often times have no one except fighting for them except victim advocates (advocates outside of the prosecutors office) and other victims. Advocates have zero power in the criminal justice system.

Andrea finally got justice yesterday, and I’m happy for her.

As for Bill Cosby, I felt like my father went to prison yesterday. I grew up watching Cliff and Claire Huxtible. I wanted them to be my parents. I wanted to be like them. Millions of Black families were inspired by Bill Cosby. I was inspired by all of his charitable donations to colleges, especially HBCUs. I never heard of any allegations against him, but when I did, I was conflicted about the man, his actions, and his legacy.

I wanted him to pay for his crimes, but why so late in life? I felt like my grandpa was going to prison this week. It just didn’t feel good watching him do that walk of shame. His children are deceased. His wife, an enabler, is long gone, and he’s now all alone. I felt sorry for him, but I don’t know why. He’s a rapist. I see the humanity in the situation, full circle.

I felt happy for all of the women Bill Cosby drugged and raped previously after prosecutors failed to proceed with charges for whatever reason. Justice for one was justice for all this week. I’m happy the system worked, but I’m sad the victim has had her life threatened and her personal life scrutinized in order to prosecute this powerful predator. The entire event was an emotional experience for me. I relived my days as an advocate.

I have some empathy for the predator. Justice finally caught up to Bill, even with one foot in the grave. He lived a good life, he was a terrible person, he lived a privileged life, and now it’s time for Bill Cosby to have his life taken away in the same manner he robbed his victims. There were no winners here. The trauma for many of his victims will live on forever. Perhaps now, his victims can begin to heal.

How can men (and women) be so good and so bad at the same time? He is a perfect example of the complexities of people, but certainly not the only one. He is no different than Woody Allen, Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, Roman Polanski, Elijah Wood, or any other powerful celebrity predators. I think Bill went to jail because he’s brown. If you’re brown, the criminal justice system ensures you must go down. There is no patience for disorderly POCs.

It seems our criminal justice systems and social constructs have varying tolerances for bad behavior. If you’re rich White, privileged, attending private and ivy league schools, are athletes…you get a pass to be a bad boy. You are allowed to pursue the American dream, and people will look the other way as you behave like predators and future domestic violence abusers. The world is yours, just grab it by the balls.

It’s very interesting, and very scary.

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