I’m sorry to hear of your suffering, but I’m happy you’ve found a way to survive. Recovery takes a lifetime and still some days I’m angry about all I didn’t have and all I could have been.
I recently saw her at my neices high school graduation and she looked very uncomfortable around me. I hadn’t spoken to her in years. It was the kind discomfort that comes with guilt. She was with my baby sister, her biggest advocate and ally. I keep my distance. I’m trying to make my last days my best ones. So far, so good.