I’m there with you. I grew up in the heart of the Bible belt, the Southern Baptist, and Jim Crow. It’s always been hard for me to come to grips with Christianity, or any religion for that matter when I’m constantly perceived as less than by my supposed brothers and sisters who worship the same God. I tried it for 10–12 years, and between fresh preachers, racist teachers, and the revelations that exposed the men and in church to be the same types of people in the jails, the projects, etc., I just didn’t want it in my life anymore.
Studying the tenets and the foundations of a few different religions, I just decided they were all started by a man. I don’t know what I’m looking for. Agnostic works for me. I’m not really seeking anything at the moment, I’m just happy not to be free of working to please a God and free of rules to follow. Sometimes I feel like I should do something to prepare for an after life, but then I’m stressed about trying to endure life here on earth.
I believe we’ve been taught to fear death, because we like to be in control. Death to me represents peace.