In the final years of my career in the BPD, I struggled with trying to process the memories I had collected and the terrible things I saw as a cop. My head felt like a storage unit crammed full of old damp boxes. I never realized failing to proper…
Interesting how you discuss how you inflicted harm upon citizens, willfully participated in gang activities, and climbed the ranks going from officer to special units and onto internal affairs, yet your “memories” of what other cops did to civilians caused you PTSD. You seem to not acknowledge your role in your own demise. You also don’t acknowledge the PTSD you caused the people you harassed. Not to mention the children and relatives of your victims who will hear tales about how you and your brothers in blue treated people coming in contact with rogue cops like you. The irony of it is too much to unpack.
I’m not sure if this is your intent, but as a person of color…this is how it comes across.
You made a calculated career choice to stay for 18 years. You chose to stay for the perks, power and privilege over doing the right thing. Your silence about the police injustice (as well as your own acknowledged power trips) you witnessed, and condoned, was consent. Now your sadistic misdeeds are covered under the masquerade of mental illness.
There just aren’t any words for what I’m reading here. While I’m sorry about your mental health issues, I do not see you as a victim. You and your colleagues were victimizers…now you want to be seen as victims.