It’s funny you wrote this piece today. My friend and I were having a conversation about this very topic. She was conflicted because of incidences similar to ones that I’ve had.
I am conflicted, as I have had several occasions where aggressive transwomen of gay men go off the handle in public because I looked at them. I did indeed look at them, but not for the reasons you might think. I didn’t look at them because they were gay. I didn’t look at them because of how they were dressed. I didn’t look at them suddenly because they spoke effeminate. I looked at them because they were LOUD. Loud on a bus, train, or in a restaurant where there was an expectation of a certain decorum. I have gotten to the point in some places, I don’t even look at gay men. They have chips on their shoulders!
Then they go on the “you’re looking at me because I’m gay” tangent.” I just shake my head. I respect this person’s values, but this person engaging me misses the entire point.
I am here for all of the sassy, brashness, flamboyance, etc. that a portion of the gay subculture has. I am not here for the loud though. I am going to respond in the same way to anyone who enters a space and disrupts it because I am self-aware, and I try to conform to any space I enter so not to offend.
It’s called being a decent person in my opinion.
Being decent has nothing to do with sexual orientation or identity. It has everything to do with what’s inside of you. Some people take sassy and flamboyance to extremes to verbal abuse folks, and that’s a shame. Thanks for writing this James Finn.