Man this is POWERFUL! Thank you for sharing your life experiences. I imagine there are a lot of people late to the party, feeling out of place and ashamed because they were living as someone else or they don’t know who they are yet. I had a similar life experience (I am better with and more comfortable around guys) minus the alcohol. It’s always been that way. But starting over is good. Discovering you is good. Understanding your addiction and seeking support is wonderful. Loving yourself and finding your place is hard. I hope you find peace with your new beginnings.