So I’m going to engage with you here. Just to give you an example of how this thing works and mistakes people often make. I want you to learn how to engage better.

Your original comment was your anxiety about talking to POC, Blacks, and women because we may be offended or express ourselves in some way that may be perceived as unkind if you ask questions or attempt to engage with us.

I gave you some explanations and guidance.

The very first sentence in your next reply was about White people. When you’re in our spaces, talking to us about us, trying to learn how to treat us better, or engaging in discussions on race relations, you don’t come back with White one uppers.

You’ve centered Whiteness and made it a priority. This is not that space. When you do this, it’s offensive.

That’s what White people and POC embracing White Supremacy do most times, at least in the beginning. It’s why we get disgusted. It’s why we shut down, and it’s why we lash out.

We’re not here to talk about what White people do! What you’ve done in your first sentence is make excuses for the behavior of White people (even if you didn’t intend to) instead of saying the behavior is wrong. Yes, White people are rude all the time, even to their own people, but getting to the root of why is why we engage. That belief they are entitled to act so ugly is what we desire to address. It’s White Supremacy that makes White people believe they can act anyway old and it’s okay. It’s even a privilege to be an asshole. Not all of us have the luxury of being rude assholes. Some of us die or suffer other consequences. To know and understand this causes you to write more thoughtful responses.

When you ask a question about how to engage and then come back with a “Well all White people act this way" response, you’ve likely killed the opportunity for further engagement. Your comment is a DOA for me too, but since this essay is to aid allies to be better ones, I figured this is a time when I should engage purposefully.

Reread your comments then meditate on how they come across to people dealing with this stuff from cradle to the grave. Just be more mindful of your centering.

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