I’m often told my delivery of truth is mean. I’m also told I’m negative, especially by people who haven’t experienced being around other people or much of the world outside of their own. People have a tendency to desire news or information (truth) in a manner acceptable to their palate. Who said the truth had to be pleasant?
Some people just can’t handle the truth. An inability to accept truth in all its forms sets a person up for a lifetime of suffering whether they realize it. No one tells fragile people the truth.
Immature People Can’t Handle Truth
When a person can’t get past the delivery to get the message (truth), well — that’s their personal problem. It’s a sign of immaturity or stunted growth and development. We define maturity as one’s ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner.
We are taught how to respond to our environments in our homes unless you were orphaned (like me) and left in a child-welfare system where such teaching occurs infrequently (if at all). Parents and close family members teach us how to respond to our environments. Parents and caretakers should be teaching their children to be ready for real-life outside of their homes (environment). Instead, parents have delegated parenting to schools. Kids are forced to develop their own coping mechanisms and skills.
We all know kids are all about seeking what feels good to them and getting their way. Anything that goes against that is bad. Those kids grow up and their parents unleash them throughout our society. Today, we have many fragile and immature people who cannot have a mature conversation; they cannot deal with anyone who does not present information (truth) in a palatable manner.
My abusive mother used to tell me all the time the truth hurts, and I’m so glad she did because she prepared me for the bad stuff. I know how to deal with hard truths that may be contrary to what I’m accustomed to. I am flat footed and fully aware news and information delivered to could come from an unlikely source, and I’m no respecter of persons. Truth doesn’t have to come from sources that look like me, sound, like me, or live the way I do.
I have received wisdom and truth from some of the most unlikely sources. I didn’t argue with the source, I politely inquired about more evidence to validate truths shared. I’m comfortable with confrontation. It’s a part of life. I know I don’t know everything. I have an open-mind and I’m a vessel waiting to be filled. I understand that my attitude dictates my learning. I show myself strong and trustworthy. If people don’t believe they can trust me with the truth, they will tell me lies. I hate lies.
I understand people have different personalities, backgrounds, and delivery styles. I’m able to extract information (truth) regardless of how it’s delivered without being offended. I believe only a person who cares about my well-being would engage me with the truth. I feel only a person who cares for me would share truth in confidence (trust). I hate being lied to. I love the truth.
Where there is no trust, there can be no truth. If one can’t speak truth, there can be no trust.
Coddling and Truth Don’t Go Together
People sharing truth need to know the receiver can be trusted. There are far too many people in the world today who have been coddled or sheltered too much by their parents, their schools, their coaches, and our communities. These people are incapable of dealing with truth if it isn’t said nicely, and crafted in a text message, email, or neatly worded conversation to protect their feelings.
Why is delivering truth so difficult? Who told people the truth is nice? And why is it so hard for some people to accept it even when they know they are wrong?
For example, last week my dad was angry with the funeral home and refused to give them their chairs and podium back because the funeral home refused to allow him to take part in the planning of his mother’s funeral (per his sisters who had stolen the insurance policies — another story).
My truth was that my dad should do the right thing, it wasn’t his property, so give it back. He was too old for pity tit for tat. I also noted the legal ramifications of withholding the funeral homes property. My dad told me I didn’t understand, he didn’t care about my reasonable truth. He had a big-ole tantrum in the middle of the floor stumping and all. He couldn’t handle the truth. Thank my dad’s recently deceased mother for stunting her son’s growth and development, turning him into a great, big, immature man-child.
I didn’t care about my dad’s petty tantrum. I had no obligation to tell him anything to make him feel good or that would pacify his need to be petty or vindictive. As his daughter, a small-business person and a decent human being, it was my duty to speak truth. Truth wasn’t neatly packaged to pacify my dad. The truth was spoken boldly and maturely spoken without malice. I watched him have his tantrum like a parent watches a kid when they are used to it. I wasn’t bothered. I knew I said the right thing.
The next day, after meditating, my dad did the right thing and returned the funeral home’s property. Had I coddled my dad and allowed him to have his way, he would likely still be a petty-Patty hoarding property that didn’t belong to him. His mother would have condoned is immature behavior. I do not. Life is too short to pacify grown people wanting to act like kids.
Delivering truth, regardless of the receiver’s ability to accept it, is always the right thing to do. You have no blood on your hands later.
Children Dislike Truth
We’ve all been a child, but not all of us have been parents. If you are blessed to have been in both role of a parent or caretaker, you understand what I mean when I say children are big manipulators and parents are the biggest suckers. Kids don’t like rules, don’t enjoy being told what to do, and dislike truth because most times it’s in direct conflict with their will, desire, and their safety.
Anyone who spend enough time around kids are fully aware they banking on getting away with stuff, frequently bending or disobeying rules to have their way, and always looking for us to be off our jobs. It’s the game every parent, teacher, or caretaker plays when dealing with our little angels. As parents and caretakers, it’s our responsibility to ensure our children are responsible and mature enough to deal with truth. When we don’t, we create little monsters who either end up super privileged because we withheld reality from them, or they become a nuisance because you can’t help them because of their fragility. It’s a permanent crutch.
We’ve Been Trained To Hate Truth
Voters hate truth, so much so we continue to elect polished liars to say all the things we think we believe in. Our parents have taught us it’s okay to be liars when they didn’t call us on our bullshit, allowing us to get away with things we shouldn’t have. We took those lessons into adulthood, and I’m sure it worked out terribly. Men can’t be truthful to women about what they want in relationships, sexual needs and desires, and even whether they are ready/willing to be in long-term relationships or not. It forces men to lie to women, wasting their time, and ruining their lives.
People can’t be honest about their sexuality because their parents, friends, religious communities, and workplaces have no tolerance for differences. So we force people to live a lie, sneak to engage in risque sex, and live a lie. Social and cultural norms cause force us to deny truth. Kids hate truth because it infringes upon their will. White people hate the truth of their ancestry, so they spend decades engaging in trickery to white wash history to make themselves look and feel better. Black people and other people of color often hate truth, especially when it touches on some sensitive situations we should be able to address, but we don’t (i.e. gang violence and community development). Tell them their problems and offer them solutions and I offend them.
We hate truth.
Fragile people never really get the truth because they aren’t able to handle it. Truth is freedom. Truth helps us avoid danger. Truth gives us the tools we need to be productive, successful citizens. Giving truth starts early. It starts in the home.
Because we’ve been programmed by our public and private education systems, religious institutions, corporations, our governments, and political structures to believe lies. They condition us to accept propaganda (lies and half-truths). They have taught us to cherry pick good news and hold off on receiving or giving bad news. Our politicians and public institutions have trained us to think they are helping us when they withhold the truth from us. What they are really saying is that we are too stupid, too fragile or too immature to handle truth. That’s bad. It’s bad for our mental and emotional well-being. It’s bad for our financial health, and it’s terrible for social and emotional development.
We need more truth in our lives. We need to use our critical thinking skills. We need to teach people we care about the truth isn’t always going to feel good, but it’s right. Lies harm. An old mentor had a saying, and it rings true for me:
The truth will set you free. A lie will find you out.
It takes too much time to craft soft feel good fluff (lies) to make fragile folks feel good. The truth can stand on its own. It needs no props, smoke, and mirrors. You’re able to speak it and it’s over. A lie needs more lies to follow it up to keep it propped up. Who has time for that? And who wants to making up fluff to pacify someone too fragile to accept truth? It’s a lot of unnecessary work to avoid truth.
That’s why I speak truth and I feel good about it.
We all need to learn to love and accept truth, no matter how it comes to us. One’s feelings should never trump one’s safety and well-being. Lies divide us. The truth shall set us free. The truth unites us.
© 2019 Marley K. All rights reserved. Reprinting or republishing with written permission only.