Thank you for writing this. I am so sorry that your mother tries to guilt you into caring for your parents. That’s very sad. I hope to never be a burden to my children, nor do I wish to impose on their time “adulting.” I would hope that when I can’t do anything for myself they would come to my aid, but I certainly don’t expect them to. Either they see the need, or they won’t.
Parents should allow their kids to do for them when they desire to, and they should not make them feel guilty if they do not (or cannot). Sometimes kids move far away to get away from needy, selfish parents. Good for them! Some parents haven’t been good parents, but they want their kids to be good to them. No child should be obligated to take care of their parents because they don’t want to take care of themselves. I would live in a tent or in a camper before imposing on my kids.
It seems your mother has been hurtfully manipulative for a long time. It also sounds like your parents (at least your mom anyway) are toxic, and as they age they will attempt to impose more of their will upon you and your brother.
Live your life, and don’t take anyone elses monkeys from their circus. Life is hard just trying to live it alone.