Wow. I’m sorry that you’re having to go through that, but I recall being in a similar situation with my ex-husband. There are also disposable phone apps you download if you need another number. If you have an old cell phone (or maybe you can ask a friend if they have an old one) you can down load the phone app that uses Wifi only to have a special phone line for calls you don’t want the soon to be ex to gain access to. Turn off any and all notifications, and hide it someplace where he won’t look but could be easy for you to access.

You have to ten steps ahead of men like that in working in stealth mode when trying to leave, but it sounds like you already have all the bases covered. Don’t forget to forward your mail (online) prior to moving so that there is nothing that comes to the house in your name. He will be using that as bait (and as a hostage). I’m happy you have friends that are helping you with your escape, that makes it a little easier. The most dangerous time for you will be when you leave.

I recommend for your own safety visiting a DV (domestic violence) shelter upon exiting your marital for good and letting them know your situation, even if you don’t accept any services. If you don’t feel comfortable going, at least call your local hotline and begin making a connection. Talk to counselors, participate in support groups, and get the extra supports you need to get some sense of normalcy back, it will take a while. Going there/contacting them also adds credence to your allegations of abuse/harassment should your husband begin stalking you, coming to your job, following you on routes to and from places (they do this…I know), and harassing/threatening you. The shelter staff can help you with safety planning. Don’t forget to get some type of wireless camera to place in your apartment, and it will probably be helpful to get a camera for your car if you have one to record any suspicious activity or stalking. Order online, ship to your friend.

Best wishes on your journey and your beginnings. I will be looking out for updates.

Check out the Violence Against Women Act. Familiarize yourself with the language so that you are able to define clearly what’s going on in your life when you need to in the same language law enforcement and DV staff speak. And please be careful with technology. I can be a blessing and a curse.

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